Week of 1 April 1999
As it is 1 April 1999, I won't be sending out any news. I wouldn't want
you to think it was an April fool's joke - remember - all my news is true.
Actually, the week has been too short to put together some really juicy
stuff, (although I have kept note of Mbuli & McBride, and Winnie suing
Nelson - how's that for teasers), so I request your patience for a bumper
edition on Tuesday morning. But I do, however, I offer the following
predictions for the Easter weekend news:
1. The Easter road traffic accident death toll will be low until a large bus
/ taxi / Venter trailer accident in the Karoo/ former Transkei / Free
2. Winnie Madikizela-Mandela/ Louis Luyt/ Mangosotho Buthelezi will say
3. Politicians from the ANC/ IFP/ NP/ DP / etc /etc will be seen attending
church services across the country.
4. The murder rate resulting from domestic violence/ political violence /
criminal violence will be high on the Cape Flats/ Kwa-Zulu Natal midlands/
JHB city centre.
5. A shark attack will occur off the Durban/ PE/ Plett/ West coast.
6. President Mandela will fly off Kosovo to broker a peace, deputy
president Thabo Mbeki will attend to business in Japan, and acting
president Mangosotho Buthelezi will send SA troops into Swaziland.
7. There will be traffic jams on the way to Clifton beach / Margate beach /
the Durban beachfront.
8. German / English / American tourists will get lost / stranded / hijacked
on Table Mountain / in the Drakensberg / in Soweto.
9. Large quantities of boerewors / easter eggs / hot cross buns / beer /
all of the above will be consumed by South Africans regardless of religious
or cultural affiliation.
10. Michael Jackson will visit a Cape Town shopping centre.
I would think of more, but I really must rush off to the Rustler's Valley
South African music festival in the Free State, with a short detour to the
farm Grootfontein in the Karoo. Until Tuesday then.