Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there
is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that
there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option,
they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's
sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."
A young man and his naive girlfriend
were taking a leisurely stroll through the countryside when they happened across a great bull shagging
the arse of this cow.
"What are they doing?" asked the young woman.
The man, not knowing what
to say replied,
"They're making pies, my dear."
They carry on walking, the girl seeming satisfied
with the answer. A few miles further on they stumble across a great ram shagging a small sheep,
what are they doing" asked the young woman again. To this the man replied,
"They too are making pies.".
Again they carry on, and as they are walking the man spots a deserted barn. All this walking had
made him incredibly randy and turning to his girlfriend he enquires as to whether she would like to make
"Okay" she replies, and they disappear into the barn where the man shags his girlfriend for
dear life. Having finished, they carry on walking back to town, after a while the girl suddenly turns
to the man and says,
"I think the pies are done."
The man is confused and enquires,
is that, dear?"
"Because the gravy has just run down my leg.".
wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and
after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline
every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads
over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever
they have dinner, don't talk.
"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is
astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner
not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's tits,
yet there is not a sound from anyone.
So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there
is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's
not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his
precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.
At which point his girlfriend's
dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the fucking pots!"
rich lady was fed up with all the men she had been having sex with, as none of them were virgins and
for once she wanted a man who had never had sex with anyone in their entire life. So she summoned her
servants and told them, "Find me a man, a virgin man!". With that, her staff searched the Earth and eventually
they found a young man from the outback in Australia. The woman was extremely excited and lay on the
bed awaiting her man. When the young aborigine walked in the room, he picked up the wardrobe and placed
it in the hallway, rolled up the rug and tore down the curtains, completely emptying the room. The dumfounded
woman asked, "What are you doing?" to which the aborigine replied, "Well, I've never screwed a woman
before, but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'll need plenty of fucking room".
Three co-workers-a blonde, a brunette and a redhead-enter the elevator to their office.
As they walk in they notice a small puddle of white liquid on the floor of the elevator car. The brunette
bends down for a closer look, and states, very matter of factly, "It looks like cum." The redhead stoops
down a little closer, sniffs it, and proclaims "Yes, and it smells like cum." The blonde stoops down
even closer, puts the tip of her finger into the puddle, touches it to her tongue and exclaims, "Well,
it's nobody from our office."
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.
The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately
tells her to undress. After she has disrobed, he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says
to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological
abnormalities." "That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know
what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says
to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came
here in the first place."