The Williams'

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Actually, I have amazing regard for this globally despised insect! Indeed they display a tenacity I wish I could duplicate. The ensuing story is true. I have mouthed a roach. And, in reality, it was'nt nearly as gross as the lies and myths about this pesky creature spread so freely by folks who have never even got that close!

Ok, so I lie. Actually I'm overrun with the little buggers who have even crapped inside my scanner resulting in little streaks when scanning. I must open up and vacuum the little droppings up and remove the dead little fellow who probably sprayed the stuff when the scanning head lit up and began rumbling and buzzing ominously toward him.

If it were not for my abhorrence of pesticides (like they're safe, hey. Isnt that what they said about the dirty-dozen, years ago), I'd nuke the lot of them. (If they are ever so impertinent as to swim in my unfinished wine or beer the punishment is severe - washed down the kitchen plughole).

Apart from that, I'm restricted to swearing at them, going around without anti-perspirant and shooting at them with rubber bands. Ive also found its possible to trap and drown them by leaving half-drunk cups of wine or coffee lying around.

Have your ever reached for a glass of Cab-Sauv and got a mouthful of still-kicking marinading roach? Actually its not as bad as you're probably imagining, I just spat it out and put the incident out of my mind. From a roach point of view it must have been a life altering experience.